A Post From My Heart

Oh Dear Jesus,

As I type this post today and speak humbly from my heart, I pray that every eye that sees this post, sees NOTHING but love and goodness. May your heart be reflected and may this writing be an encouragement to all who read it.

Today, my heart is being awakened to the LOVE that I have for orphans. As I stop and ponder what this means, the love that I have for orphans, I can't stop the tears that flow down my face as I think about what that means to you. If I love the orphans of the world, its only because you have loved me first as your orphan.

Father GOD, In James 1:27 your word states this -"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you". I know with every fiber of my being that your purpose for creating me in this world was to love and care for your orphans. You've given me not one, not two, BUT three orphans to raise, to love and to most of all show them what it is to know YOU as LORD and SAVIOR of their life.

Many years ago when I first learned that I could not have children, in desperation I begged, pleaded and got on my knees many days and nights asking YOU for the blessing of a child.

Shortly after I married the love of my life, you blessed us with our big boy.  In raising this young boy who has grown up to be an amazing GOD fearing young man, I have learned to be a much better mama than I could have ever imagined. I have been tested and stretched in more ways than I ever thought possible. Yet, with your amazing mercy and grace, I could not have asked for a better son.

In 2003, after much prayer, You allowed me to feel what is was like to have "LIFE" in my belly, not just for a minute, a day or even a month, but you allowed me to feel this life inside of me for 7 1/2 months!

Just when I thought I couldn't be any more blessed, YOU HEARD MY CRY & YOU ANSWERED. I soaked up every minute of the life that I was feeling inside my womb, and then that moment came, where I no longer felt "LIFE" inside me anymore.  I knew it and I held onto your words of hope as they're said in John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life".

I chose to believe that even if the worst thing that could happen was that our baby boy was no longer living in my womb, I knew that HE was and continues to live in the arms of the One who created and breathed life into him, in the first place. And so the story continues.

Yes, our precious angel that the LORD used to allow me to feel life in my belly was taken back up to Heaven on August 5. 2003. Meanwhile, the Creator and Master of my life continues to draw the picture of LIFE in my story.

After losing our sweet baby Emmanuel, I walked the desert for 15 months. I grew spiritually like I had never grown before. I saw things in my heart that one cannot see with human eyes, yet through all the pain, suffering, and grieving that I had to do, my LORD and SAVIOR was walking with me every step of the way.  HE never let go of my hand - Isaiah 43:5 "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west".

Boy, did he have a plan for me! This leads me to - Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Four years and a day later, on August 6, 2007, again I could say, "YOU LORD, HEARD MY CRY AND YOU ANSWERED".  I was blessed again with a precious newborn baby boy, Seth James. Seth did not grow in my tummy, but he surely grew in my heart. He was an answer to my prayers.

One year before Seth was born in 2006, after our precious nephew Kai came home from China, the LORD began to convict our hearts to adopt a baby girl from China. After much prayer and discernment, we began our paperwork and were logged in with China on September 12, 2006. Many of you already know how long this process has taken and for many years we did not know or hear anything regarding our adoption process until just recently. As I have posted on a previous post, we finally received our referral for our sweet Isabella on June 22, 2012. It was almost a wait time of 6 long years.

Obviously within that six year time frame, lots of things had changed in our life. Not only were we blessed with another child, but the economy hit us hard.  Our finances were not the same as they were back in 2006.  There has been much pressure to basically even survive.  However, GOD has remained the center of our lives and he has provided for our needs.

After receiving Isabella's referral, I began feeling immense pressure and stress, to the point that I had to go see a cardiologist to make sure there were no heart issues going on within.  Praise the LORD, my tests have all come back normal. It hasn't been just financial pressure, but also the change of bringing yet another orphan into our life. It is flabbergasting. Not because it's another child, it's also the journey, the wait, the paperwork, the finances, the fundraisers, etc.  It's a spiritual journey in which you have to put your heart out on a limb and trust that your Father in Heaven has everything taken care of. It's a TRUST that we as believers are called to act upon.

For the past few days, my heart was being convicted of a sin.  Which sin? The SIN of pride. Here are some of God's words that He has laid on my heart.

Proverbs 21:24 "The proud and haughty man--Scoffer is his name--deals and acts with overbearing pride".

Proverbs 21:4 "Haughtiness of eyes and a proud heart, even the tillage of the wicked or the lamp [of joy] to them [whatever it may be], are sin [in the eyes of God].

1 Peter 5:6 "Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you".

Habakkuk 2:4 "Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him, but the [rigidly] just and the [uncompromisingly] righteous man shall live by his faith and in his faithfulness. AND THIS ONE MY FRIENDS IS THE VERY REASON FOR THIS VERY POST  -

Isaiah 66:2 "For all these things My hand has made, and so all these things have come into being [by and for Me], says the Lord. But this is the man to whom I will look and have regard: he who is humble and of a broken or wounded spirit, and who trembles at My word and reveres My commands.

In my alone time with God, the Lord revealed to me that I had a heart to love and to help many, but yet my heart was full of the sin of pride. 

With a humble, crying heart, I pray the prayer of David in Psalm 51 - "Have Mercy on me, O God. Because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there. Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me, now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you. Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness. Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you. You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."

Why do I say my heart was full of pride? Well, because I was too proud to ask for financial help to bring home our sweet Isabella home.

I humbling myself before you all and am now laying everything down on the table.  I am making my blog public and shouting to the world in a desperate plea, that we are in need of financial assistance to complete this adoption.

Here are the numbers we are looking at: 

The last bit of cost that is needed to complete our adoption process is approximately $14,500.00.  Since our family did not think we were adopting again, we presently have $4,000.00 put away. We are short $10,500.00 as it stands this very moment. The following is the breakdown:

Visa to enter china: $140.00
US Domestic & International airfare: $1200-$1800 per person plus $200.00 for return lap ticket for child under 2.
In China Travel & Accommodations: Approximately $3000.00 for two adults.
Adoption Registration: $400.00-$800.00
Child's passport: $100.00-$150.00
Orphanage fee: Approximately $5500.00
Food per couple: $600.00-$800.00
Child medical & photo: $80.00
Child's U.S. Entry Visa: $230.00
For a grand total of $14,500.00.

As I mentioned earlier, we are now short $10,500.00.  We have applied for several grants, but as of yet, have not heard back from any, except one that will issue funds December 14, which would be too late for us.

Herb is working extra long hours to bring home whatever he can, but even with this, it will be impossible for us to bring in this kind of money in the short time period we have left before receiving Travel Approval.

I have opened my heart and allowed for God's spirit to break the sin of pride that was dwelling within me.

This is honestly where we are in our adoption journey. I have been blessed tremendously by having the courage to allow the spirit of God to break me this morning.  Not only so that I can grow more spiritually and have the sweet fragrance of Jesus beside me, but also so that our Lord and Savior could be glorified in this journey.  As HIS orphan, I am blessed and honored that He has chosen us to raise, love and teach these precious children of His what it is like to trust whole heartily in the Creator of this universe.

I pray that everyone who reads this post receives some sort of encouragement as we walk out this journey called "Life". 

Oh sweet JESUS,

This morning YOU have broken my spirit to pieces. However, I rejoice now with you, LORD, for cleansing my heart and making me pure again in your eyes.

Dear friends,

I know times are tough for everyone, but I humbly come before you asking that you please prayerfully consider chipping by using our DONATION button at the top right side of our home page.  Even the smallest amount will help, since we are putting away every cent we receive to bring our little one home.

You can also participate in our fundraisers, WHEN LOVE TAKES YOU IN for a beautiful piece of custom designed jewelry, or order some great things from THIRTY-ONE FOR ISABELLA to help us bring our baby girl home.

May God's peace and blessings be upon you and your family. Thank you doesn't even begin to express our gratitude. 

(And yes, feel free to share this post either through word of mouth, your blogs, or FB.  ;)

MAY YOU, JESUS, BE GLORIFIED & HONORED IN THIS POST.